When the Nest Feels Crowded: Why Some Young Adults Aren’t Launching
- Angela Greenwell
- Jun 9, 2024
- 3 min read
I’ve been hearing a lot of the same thing from parents lately. They tell me their kids say they want a job, but then won't apply. Their kids aren't excited about driving, and delay getting their license. They worry that their kids socialize with friends more online than in real life. There's no rush to move out, no urgency to figure out what’s next. And it’s not just about laziness or entitlement. The motivation seems to be missing.
For Gen X parents, this is hard to wrap our heads around. We could not wait to get out of the house. We counted down the days until we left for college and could stay out late with friends. The idea of still living with our parents in our mid-twenties wasn't even considered. But times have changed—and not just economically. For many families, especially those with ADHD in the mix, the path to adulthood looks very different.
A Shift in the Launch Timeline
More young adults are living at home than ever before. A 2020 Pew Research study found that over half of Americans aged 18–29 were living with their parents, the highest rate since the Great Depression (Fry, 2020). Rising housing costs, student debt, and a shifting job market are certainly contributing. But when I work with families navigating ADHD, I often see a different layer beneath the surface: executive function challenges, motivation dysregulation, and deep emotional overwhelm.
ADHD and the Invisible Roadblocks to Adulthood
ADHD doesn’t just affect school performance or attention spans—it affects how people organize themselves, plan for the future, regulate emotions, and respond to expectations. For a young adult with ADHD, “launching” might not just feel hard—it might feel impossible.
They may desperately want to take the next steps, but feel frozen. They might avoid applying for jobs because they’re afraid of rejection, or avoid socializing because it feels draining and unpredictable. They may seem indifferent, but they’re often stuck in a loop of shame, confusion, and executive dysfunction.
Dr. Russell Barkley’s research confirms what many parents already sense—young adults with ADHD are often significantly delayed in hitting milestones like living independently, sustaining employment, or managing money (Barkley et al., 2008). This isn’t about bad parenting or a lack of ambition—it’s about neurodevelopment, unmet needs, and a world that moves fast when your brain needs more time.
What Parents Can Do
If this is happening in your home, know this: you’re not alone, and there are ways forward that don’t involve tough love or giving up.
1. Shift from fixing to coaching
Try stepping back from solving problems and instead step into curiosity. Ask open questions like, “What feels hard about starting that application?” or “What support would make that easier?”
2. Break it down
What looks like a simple task—get a job, sign up for a class, move out—may feel massive to someone with ADHD. Help your young adult break things into smaller, clear, manageable steps. Even one email sent can be a big win.
3. Co-create structure
Instead of setting rules for them, work with them to build expectations. This could include rent contributions, job-hunting goals, or timelines for independence, balanced with flexibility and compassion.
4. Support the emotional work
ADHD often shows up alongside anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Therapy, coaching, or even just a validating space to talk about their struggles can make a major difference.
5. Take care of yourself, too
Parenting an adult child who is stuck can be draining and emotional. Join a support group, talk to a coach, or take breaks without guilt. Your well-being matters.
At Trail Blossom, I work with both parents and young adults to navigate this tender stage of life with compassion and clarity. ADHD doesn’t have to block adulthood—it just means the roadmap looks different.
There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for growth. With the right support, your child can move forward—and you don’t have to do it alone.
References
Barkley, R. A., Murphy, K. R., & Fischer, M. (2008). ADHD in Adults: What the Science Says. Guilford Press.Fry, R. (2020). A majority of young adults in the U.S. live with their parents for the first time since the Great Depression. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/09/04/a-majority-of-young-adults-in-the-u-s-live-with-their-parents-for-the-first-time-since-the-great-depression/
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