When ADHD Gets the Upper Hand: How to Reset with Self-Kindness

Angela Greenwell
Mar 9
3 min read

Some days, no matter how good your intentions, ADHD wins. You forget appointments. You miss deadlines. You stare at a task list until it blurs. You get stuck in doomscrolling, emotional spirals, or endless distraction.

It’s easy to feel defeated or frustrated these days. But here’s the truth: One hard day does not define you.

And ADHD getting the upper hand doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means your brain needs a reset—not a reprimand.

What It Looks Like When ADHD Takes Over

When ADHD runs the show for a day, it might look like:

Paralysis in the face of tasks you normally handle easily
Emotional swings: frustration, shame, impulsivity, or irritability
Difficulty sensing time passing (aka time blindness)
Mental fog, hyperfixation on the wrong thing, or avoidance behaviors
Forgetfulness or dropping key details despite reminders

None of this means you aren't trying hard enough. ADHD affects self-regulation, the ability to steer thoughts, emotions, and actions toward goals (Barkley, 2015). When executive function resources are depleted—due to stress, overstimulation, or fatigue—ADHD symptoms naturally become louder.

How to Notice When It’s Happening

The key is to notice the signs early without judgment. Some helpful "check engine lights" include:

You feel overwhelmed by small tasks
You’ve “lost” large chunks of time without clear memory
Your body feels tense, restless, or frozen
You notice spiraling thoughts or self-criticism ramping up

Self-awareness is not about catching yourself "failing"—it's about recognizing the need to switch tools, not push harder (Brown, 2013).

How to Course-Correct When ADHD Wins the Day

Pause First, Then Plan
Stop. Breathe. Hydrate. Move your body. Even a two-minute break resets your brain's stress response (Ratey, 2008). You can’t re-engage executive function while stuck in fight-or-flight.
Microstep Back into Motion
Pick one tiny next action you can do. Open the email app. Pick up your notebook. Stand up and stretch. Small, visible wins rebuild momentum faster than trying to tackle everything at once.
Externalize Structure
Pull tasks out of your head. Write them down. Use a sticky note, a whiteboard, or a voice memo. ADHD brains need visual cues to "see" what’s next when internal working memory breaks down (Brown, 2013).
Shrink the Goal for Today
On tough days, good enough is good. Ask: What’s the minimum effective step today?Maybe it’s answering one email, not twenty. Maybe it’s setting up for tomorrow, not finishing today’s list.
Practice Self-Kindness, Actively
Remind yourself:
- “Hard days happen. This doesn’t erase my progress.”
- “My brain needs tools, not shame.”Self-compassion is linked to better emotional resilience and problem-solving capacity, especially for neurodivergent individuals (Neff, 2011).

Why Self-Kindness Matters So Much

ADHD can create a lifetime of self-blame: "Why can’t I just do it?" But research shows that self-criticism actually depletes the executive functions ADHD brains already struggle with (Sibley et al., 2021).

Self-kindness isn’t "letting yourself off the hook"—it’s giving your brain the psychological safety it needs to reboot. One bad day doesn't derail you. It’s just a bend in the trail. With the right tools—and the right mindset—you can reset and keep going.

Final Thought

ADHD will sometimes get the upper hand. That’s part of living with a dynamic, differently wired brain. The real skill isn’t about never getting off-track. It’s about learning how to notice, reset, and restart—gently and bravely.

You’re not behind. You’re on your own trail. And every step forward, even after a detour, is worth celebrating.

References

Barkley, R. A. (2015). Taking Charge of Adult ADHD (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Brown, T. E. (2013). A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults: Executive Function Impairments. Routledge.

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.

Ratey, J. J. (2008). Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain. Little, Brown.

Sibley, M. H., Graziano, P. A., Kuriyan, A. B., Coxe, S., & Pelham, W. E. (2021). Parent and peer predictors of long-term social functioning among adolescents with ADHD. Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, 50(4), 538–551.